I Have Always Wanted to be a Champion Hopscotch Player

As long as I can remember I have always wanted to be a Champion Hopscotch Player.  While other kids dreamed of being plumbers and loan sharks, I had my eyes on one thing and one thing only – King of the Hopscotch.

I came across Hopscotch the same way everyone else did – in the back alleys and abandoned construction projects near my home.  How I marveled at the squares laid out on the oil-covered asphalt.  How I longed to play!  I even told both of my friends of my dreams.  “I wish to learn the art!  I must play Hopscotch!” I would tell them.  But they just laughed.  They told me to get my head out of the clouds.  They mocked me.  They just couldn’t understand how I needed to jump.  “Let me play Hopscotch, or kill me now!”  I would cry.  “Without Hopscotch I don’t want to live!”  I would scream.  But again they laughed.  But they won’t be laughing for long.  Not when I become champion.  Champion of the Hopscotch.

Each day I arise with one goal in mind – to become an even greater jumper than the day before.  I run, I lift weights, I stretch, I nap.  Sometimes I eat cereal.  I often eat popsicles.  I do all of the necessary rituals to get in shape.  Have you seen those guys in the commercials with the abdominal muscles that look like steel?  I look nothing like that.  But that’s not important in Hopscotch.  If your thighs rub together it’s not the end of the world.  And it is a scientific fact that having girth helps you to land easier.  Just watch the Science Channel, they will back me up.  And I need to be able to jump on those squares just right.  I need to be able to flip around quickly.  I need to be more agile than anyone else.  If I expect to be King of the Hopscotch there is no other way.  And I will not be denied.  One day I will reign supreme.  I will be King of the Hopscotch.  Only then will I rest.  I will rest and have a popsicle.


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