Fall Television Show Preview
Revolution: Again, the future is portrayed as a vast wasteland full of heartless warlords and groups of unshaven sword-wielding hooligans, with no electricity. I don’t know what would be worse, fighting for survival or not being able to watch “Sons of Anarchy” every Tuesday Night.
Sons of Anarchy: The Sons are back with a vengeance, and unforgiveness is the word of the day. The previous seasons had the usual: Stabbings, shootings, beatings, even the occasional total-body involuntary skin graft. This season takes it a step further, only now we are forced to see Ron Pearlman in High Definition. Why he is allowed to remain breathing after his history is beyond me. I just hope he doesn’t read this, because I have a low tolerance to pain. Rumor is the show’s producers get a good price on fake blood because they buy it in bulk.
Mob Boss: Can someone say “No Copay Required?” This jewel in the rough has it all: Over-the-hill Mobsters, a low-life brother with a gambling problem, overbearing relatives, and Operating Room banter. What will happen if the Mob Doctor tries to cross the Mob? You will have to tune in Monday Night like the rest of us who never go outside.
Lizard Lick Towing: On the first show of the season, the guys try to repossess a truck from yet one more backwoods inbred. The truck owner accuses Ron of being a car thief, to which he responds “Look at my hair, Cuz. Do I look like a car thief? The man responds with “Actually, you look more like a skunk.” They then proceed to take possession of said car, after Bobby throws the man 30 feet into a ditch. Same old show, different players. Why can’t I look away?
The Voice: Cee Lo Green again entertains us with his bulky wit, and there are many closeups of Christina Aguilera’s artistically painted face. (Aguilera? Are you sure?) At press time we learned that there was a mishap during rehearsal earlier today, when Adam Levine’s spinining chair malfunctioned and he was thrown into the audience. His arms were scratched up a bit, but were quickly covered up with yet another tattoo. There seems to be a new rule to the show – the coaches choose the bad singers, and ignore the good ones. It should be called “The Bizarro Voice.”
Boardwalk Empire: Steve Buscemi is back, only this time he is even older and meaner. His take-no-prisoners attitude gets him into trouble time and time again, but he remains a very snappy dresser. This show has everything you hope to see in a 1920’s New Jersey Gangster show. My favorite players? The dancers, of course.
Downton Abbey: The British elite are back once again, only this time they have money problems and a disgruntled staff. Wait a minute, that’s what happened last season and the one before. I guess they don’t want to mess with a winning formula. The Season Finale is sure to be memorable, when the residents of the Abbey are attacked by the cast of Boardwalk Empire. Never underestimate the tenacity of someone from New Jersey.