I will have to make this quick. I was right, I did offend certain religious groups with my idea for a Bouncy House Sweat Lodge. On the night of June 17th I went to sleep in my bed and woke up four hours later with my hands and feet tied, laying face down in the trunk of a very smelly car as it sped along the highway towards the docks.
I am being held in a very cold and dark room in what I am pretty sure is a warehouse located near Pier 43. My feet are tied to a chair, but this evening I was finally able to get my hands free. Lucky for me I was able to reach a laptop, and it has an internet connection that is faster than the one at my house.
I will keep you posted on my progress on getting out of this situation. If you see my wife tell her I love her.
That is all.