I Avoid The Following

Here is a partial list of the 1,000 things that make me uneasy (listed in no particular order):

  • Mail Delivery People
  • Bag People
  • Silent Films
  • Graduate Students
  • Art Gallery Administrative Personnel (excluding Receptionists)
  • Parking Lots
  • Car Washes (unless they are drive-through)
  • Dirt Clods
  • Rock Candy
  • Cotton Candy
  • Excessive Coupons at the Checkout Line
  • Unintelligible Music Buzzing From Speakers at Fast Food Restaurants
  • Inoperative Bathroom Facilities at Restaurants
  • Nick Nolte Films (but strangely enough, not Nick Nolte)
  • “Air Quotes”
  • Single Paranthesescotton candy


  1. I feel lied to, because you didn’t avoid single parentheses. 😥
    And do you feel uneasy about them when they’re used as part of a smiley face?
    I need details.

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