Nightmare at 20,000 Feet

William Shatner is flying on planea jet
And he is out of work
It’s stormy out and it’s quite wet
But he’s not Captain Kirk

He’s travelling with his trophy wife
Who tells him not to smoke
She’s known him almost all his life
And thinks he’s a splendid bloke

But soon after the plane departs
And there’s nowhere for him to hide
The chaos and the mayhem starts
When William looks outside

He says “There’s a Gremlin on the wing
And he’s pulling on the wires!”
The attendant says “It’s probably nothing.
Maybe you’re just too tired.”

“You’re right” he says while smiling
“I probably need some sleep
My behavior has become beguiling
Frow now on not a peep”

His wife then gives him a sleeping pill
And tells him to close his eyes
Pretty soon we will be in Jacksonville
As fast as this plane flies

She calms him with a gentle touch
As the passengers get nervous
One man who has had too much
Says loudly “I Need Service!”

Then William starts to twitch and panic
And needs to be restrained
His behaviour becomes almost manic
Some might even say insane

He grabs a gun from a sleeping cop
Who onced lived near the Kremlin
And then we hear a very loud pop
As he shoots wildly at the Gremlin

And when the plane limps back to ground
And to the hospital William is headed
Not one passenger makes a sound
Because the plane is completely shredded

 

George The Hand Model

george-costanza-prancing-through-park

George is upset, that is apparent
He’s moving back in with both his parents
His dad is crazy and uses a walker
And Kramer’s girlfriend is a low talker

George and his parents go out to dinner
The waiter there is not a winner
He doesn’t even bring a menu
His mom suggests a different venue

George tells them he needs some air
And then he mutters that life isn’t fair
He wonders if things could get any worse
Then he bumps into a lady, who drops her purse

She says “Just look at what you’ve done!
And I was having so much fun
But in all my years around these lands
I never have seen such amazing hands”

After that George goes to Central Park
Where people run and doggies bark
But He can’t find a pair of gloves that fit
So he chooses a pair of oven mits

He then gets paid to model his hands
And it doesn’t matter where he stands
But the day that Kramer blew into town
The whole thing just came crashing down

Because Kramer ruins everything
And George’s right hand still does sting
From that fateful day that his life turned
And his modeling hand was severely burned

More Twilight Zone Poetry

magic-shoes

The response to last week’s Twilight Zone episode summary in poem form was astounding! With that, here is a poem about the episode called “Dead Man’s Shoes.”

A homeless man who lives alone
And can’t afford to use a phone
Is changed one night, but not by booze
When he finds a pair of magic shoes

The shoes were once owned by a crook
Who never even read a book
And was in a gang who always backed him
Until the day they up and whacked him

But the homeless man, whose name was Nate
Had something to appreciate
He had a woman now who warmed him
Because of the shoes that had transformed him

Nate, who was once called a Maggot
Goes to the mob boss whose name is Dagget
“So help me I’ll get you” he says to him
Before he is shot dead by his old friend Jim

The Twilight Zone always has narration
It is heard by half the population
You should never watch it all alone
Because you might end up in the Twilight Zone

The Bathtub

Happy New Year to Everyone.  I hope it is the best year ever.  Yada Yada Yada.

The Bathtub

On January First of this year
My bathtub was a mess I fear
It had a different kind of reak
That lingered there for that whole week

I made a mental note to clean it
And at the time I sure did mean it
But for a reason that’s unseen
My dirty bathtub stayed unclean

It stayed like that until the Spring
That time of year when birds all sing
Its dirty state went on and on
While I just shopped on Amazon

I’d had enough of it by June
But got distracted by the Moon
And then I watched Star Trek with Sulu
They have all episodes now on Hulu

Each day when I would take my shower
I smelled the mold’s increasing power
And afterwards, when I was dry
I stared at it and wondered why

The tiles both within and out
Had moldy streaks along their grout
The tub itself had lost its shine
I could not believe it was mine

So why did I have a tub that reaks?
And had being doing so for eighty weeks?
The whole thing started making me crazy
Until I realized I was being lazy

And finally, in late December
On a day which I will always remember
I took a scraper to its walls
Because sometimes in life, duty calls

I spent the day cleaning that tub
I listened to Aqualung as I did scrub
I streamed it online, as I remember
Because I’m an Amazon Prime Member

When I was finished I felt a power
And the next day I used a different shower
So why is that? I’ll tell you why
It’s because the caulking wasn’t dry

But now it is and I’m all set
And after I shower, when the tub is wet
I dry it off, from head to hiney
So it will always be clean and shiny

The Mighty Juggler Vein

Do you know what the Juggler Vein is?  It is located between the dudonym and the Gall Bladder, and somewhere below the brain. In many medical schools in Great Britain, Medical Students have passed down over the years, rhymes that help them pass their exams.  This one is called “The Mighty Juggler Vein.”

The Mighty Juggler Vein

Right next to the Spleen
And way below the brain
It does its job unseen
The Mighty Juggler Vein

So named because it juggles
And distributes the body’s fluids
For Wizards and for Muggles
And even those crazy Druids

 
The Juggler Vein was discovered in 1853 by James P. Juggler, who interestingly enough did not juggle.  He was, however, a Muggle.   He was also known to jiggle on occasion.

Without the Juggler Vein, the human body would not be able to break down its hemogoblin into carbon and oxygen.  Also, the level of anti-gamogobulins in the blood would increase to unhealthy levels.

Without the Juggler Vein’s amazing fluid-juggling abilities, we would all be in real trouble.

Let’s hear it for The Mighty Juggler Vein!

body

 

 

 

I Am Speechless!

  • I have been so stunned by the recent shift in the political landscape that I completely forgot to post anything here.  I know my readers have been wondering what is going on.  How can I put it?  I am speechless.  I am without speech!
  • I was reading that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was asked what he would do if he was kicked out of the new administration’s transition team. He said he would close that bridge when he came to it.
  • I have an upcoming test on bird identification.  I haven’t had time to study so I think I will just have to wing it.

    turkey
    Happy Thanksgiving!  Please join me in celebrating life by not eating our feathered friends.