Category Archives: Amazing

Name That Tune

tchaikovsky

 

Here is a little ditty
That I think is almost heavenly
I think it’s very witty
And it premiered in 1870

It was written Peter Ilyad T.
Whose birthday is May 7th
It is 600 bars long, you see
And here are the first eleven

The Shark Song

The Shark Song

When you’re a Shark
The world is there for you
You don’t fear the dark
Because the dark fears you

When you’re a Shark
You dislike the Mets
Your bite’s worse than your bark
And you despise the Jets

When you’re a Shark
You look at the world wisely
You’re pants are real dark
And you always dress nicely

When you’re a Shark
You really know how to dance
You avoid Central Park
And you have very tight pants

(snapping fingers, whistling in the background……)

The Sharks are not Bony
The Sharks are not Stiff
The Sharks don’t like Tony
And they really hate Riff

The Sharks they are winning
The Sharks they are grooving
The Sharks they are swimming
Because they have to keep moving

Here Come The Sharks
Like a Fish Out of Water
Someone gets in our way
We get fresh with their daughter

Here Come The Sharks
And we’re covered in soot
Better do what we say
Or we will bite your foot

Here Come The Sharks
And we are all anointed
We are covered in scales
And our teeth are all pointed

And Remember, Swim Tall!!

Thoughts on a Blue Day

Like they say, the world’s a stage
And we realize that more as we age
Nothing lasts forever, that is true
I guess that applies to me and you

My birthday is coming up in June
Just three days after the full moon
My age will once again end in zero
Just like Ray Romano, my hero

We’re all getting older, day by day
And it will always be that way
We start out helpless, with just a few wrinkles
And when we get older it gets hard to tinkle

I won’t tell you just how old I’ll be
It’s a closely guarded secret, you see
But just like my older brother used to say to me
You’ll never be as old as me

That is of course unless I’m wrong
If that’s the case I’ll change my song
And change those words that aren’t true
And say I’ll never be as old as you

But what is age anyway?
It’s just a number, that’s what they say
For all you uncles and aunts and nieces
The number of birthday candles always increases

I know just actually what you’re thinking
I can almost see you winking
You’re wondering just how old I am
And why I’m such a rhyming ham

When I was born we had televisions
And movies that often involved x-ray vision
People often talked about wrong and right
And some of the TV’s were black and white

When I was born there was no MTV
And there were only 3 stations on TV
Rockets had not yet gone to the moon
When I was born that day in June

Now I will give you one last hint
I was born sometime after the Denver Mint
But before Ronald Reagan had Executive Power
And not before Eisenhower

Just Another Saturday

mouseI walked downstairs to get some food
I was in a particularly sour mood
My wife said “We have a situation”
And those words are never heard with elation

It happened in the morning, last Saturday
The same thing happened to us back in May
Me and the wife were sitting around the house
When one of our kitties brought in a mouse

“The cat has caught a little mouse
And brought it right into the house
She is sitting under this very chair
So pick her up and move her there”

So what did I do then, you ask?
Did I perform the suggested task?
Of course I didn’t because I panicked
And not only that, I became manic

I grabbed the chair without thinking first
Perhaps it was because of my insatiable thirst
And when I did that the mouse took off
And I could have sworn I heard a cough

He ran right under the refrigerator
Which has on its door a Florida Gator
I looked at the clock, and it said ten
And I wondered how this happened again

So I grabbed the refrigerator along its seals
After researching how to unlock refrigerator wheels
And then I moved it back towards me
And I tried to set the little guy free

I rotated the refrigerator and realigned it
After realizing that he was right behind it
I grabbed a broom and gently pushed him
I had to be careful not to smoosh him

And he ran towards my wife, who held a box
Whose lid had a picture of a clock
She pushed him in, and closed the lid
But that isn’t everything we did

We walked him over to the field
And along the way I’m sure he squeeled
We let him out and he ran away
It was just another Saturday

Nightmare at 20,000 Feet

William Shatner is flying on planea jet
And he is out of work
It’s stormy out and it’s quite wet
But he’s not Captain Kirk

He’s travelling with his trophy wife
Who tells him not to smoke
She’s known him almost all his life
And thinks he’s a splendid bloke

But soon after the plane departs
And there’s nowhere for him to hide
The chaos and the mayhem starts
When William looks outside

He says “There’s a Gremlin on the wing
And he’s pulling on the wires!”
The attendant says “It’s probably nothing.
Maybe you’re just too tired.”

“You’re right” he says while smiling
“I probably need some sleep
My behavior has become beguiling
Frow now on not a peep”

His wife then gives him a sleeping pill
And tells him to close his eyes
Pretty soon we will be in Jacksonville
As fast as this plane flies

She calms him with a gentle touch
As the passengers get nervous
One man who has had too much
Says loudly “I Need Service!”

Then William starts to twitch and panic
And needs to be restrained
His behaviour becomes almost manic
Some might even say insane

He grabs a gun from a sleeping cop
Who onced lived near the Kremlin
And then we hear a very loud pop
As he shoots wildly at the Gremlin

And when the plane limps back to ground
And to the hospital William is headed
Not one passenger makes a sound
Because the plane is completely shredded

 

George The Hand Model

george-costanza-prancing-through-park

George is upset, that is apparent
He’s moving back in with both his parents
His dad is crazy and uses a walker
And Kramer’s girlfriend is a low talker

George and his parents go out to dinner
The waiter there is not a winner
He doesn’t even bring a menu
His mom suggests a different venue

George tells them he needs some air
And then he mutters that life isn’t fair
He wonders if things could get any worse
Then he bumps into a lady, who drops her purse

She says “Just look at what you’ve done!
And I was having so much fun
But in all my years around these lands
I never have seen such amazing hands”

After that George goes to Central Park
Where people run and doggies bark
But He can’t find a pair of gloves that fit
So he chooses a pair of oven mits

He then gets paid to model his hands
And it doesn’t matter where he stands
But the day that Kramer blew into town
The whole thing just came crashing down

Because Kramer ruins everything
And George’s right hand still does sting
From that fateful day that his life turned
And his modeling hand was severely burned

More Twilight Zone Poetry

magic-shoes

The response to last week’s Twilight Zone episode summary in poem form was astounding! With that, here is a poem about the episode called “Dead Man’s Shoes.”

A homeless man who lives alone
And can’t afford to use a phone
Is changed one night, but not by booze
When he finds a pair of magic shoes

The shoes were once owned by a crook
Who never even read a book
And was in a gang who always backed him
Until the day they up and whacked him

But the homeless man, whose name was Nate
Had something to appreciate
He had a woman now who warmed him
Because of the shoes that had transformed him

Nate, who was once called a Maggot
Goes to the mob boss whose name is Dagget
“So help me I’ll get you” he says to him
Before he is shot dead by his old friend Jim

The Twilight Zone always has narration
It is heard by half the population
You should never watch it all alone
Because you might end up in the Twilight Zone

The Bathtub

Happy New Year to Everyone.  I hope it is the best year ever.  Yada Yada Yada.

The Bathtub

On January First of this year
My bathtub was a mess I fear
It had a different kind of reak
That lingered there for that whole week

I made a mental note to clean it
And at the time I sure did mean it
But for a reason that’s unseen
My dirty bathtub stayed unclean

It stayed like that until the Spring
That time of year when birds all sing
Its dirty state went on and on
While I just shopped on Amazon

I’d had enough of it by June
But got distracted by the Moon
And then I watched Star Trek with Sulu
They have all episodes now on Hulu

Each day when I would take my shower
I smelled the mold’s increasing power
And afterwards, when I was dry
I stared at it and wondered why

The tiles both within and out
Had moldy streaks along their grout
The tub itself had lost its shine
I could not believe it was mine

So why did I have a tub that reaks?
And had being doing so for eighty weeks?
The whole thing started making me crazy
Until I realized I was being lazy

And finally, in late December
On a day which I will always remember
I took a scraper to its walls
Because sometimes in life, duty calls

I spent the day cleaning that tub
I listened to Aqualung as I did scrub
I streamed it online, as I remember
Because I’m an Amazon Prime Member

When I was finished I felt a power
And the next day I used a different shower
So why is that? I’ll tell you why
It’s because the caulking wasn’t dry

But now it is and I’m all set
And after I shower, when the tub is wet
I dry it off, from head to hiney
So it will always be clean and shiny

I Am Speechless!

  • I have been so stunned by the recent shift in the political landscape that I completely forgot to post anything here.  I know my readers have been wondering what is going on.  How can I put it?  I am speechless.  I am without speech!
  • I was reading that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was asked what he would do if he was kicked out of the new administration’s transition team. He said he would close that bridge when he came to it.
  • I have an upcoming test on bird identification.  I haven’t had time to study so I think I will just have to wing it.

    turkey
    Happy Thanksgiving!  Please join me in celebrating life by not eating our feathered friends.