I have been so stunned by the recent shift in the political landscape that I completely forgot to post anything here. I know my readers have been wondering what is going on. How can I put it? I am speechless. I am without speech!
I was reading that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was asked what he would do if he was kicked out of the new administration’s transition team. He said he would close that bridge when he came to it.
I have an upcoming test on bird identification. I haven’t had time to study so I think I will just have to wing it.
Hello Everyone. I wanted to share a recent plumbing experience I had with you. No, I didn’t have a plumbing experience with you (we both would have remembered that, wouldn’t we?) Let me re-phrase that. I want to share, with you, a plumbing experience I recently had.
My shower drain was plugged up, so I did what everyone does. I poured boiling water down the drain. That usually does the trick. But 24 hours later it still wouldn’t drain, even after the whole coat hanger down the drain trick! In a burst of inspiration, I decided to open and close the drain. When I did that, I loosened whatever had been almost obliterated by the above-mentioned scalding H2O. I am pleased to report that I am no longer ankle-deep in water after my mandatory daily shower.
With that, I am releasing my latest rap one week ahead of it’s ITunes Debut, Number 2 last week on the Billboard Top 100.
My Name’s Ice-John
I like to sleep
And I sometimes yawn
My shirt’s too tight
and my pants too long
And it’s been 37 years
Since I’ve Played Ping Pong
Sometimes I’ll Laugh
Sometimes I’ll Cry
Sometimes I’ll eat
Half a Pizza Pie
I don’t eat meat
Cause I love all life
I have big feet
You can ask my wife
I’m younger than the Pope
But older than Matt Damon
I was born the same year
As Everyone Loves Raymond
So now I’ll split
And I’ll end this rap
It’s a sure-fire hit
But it’s time to nap
I had an eye appointment earlier this week. And then, me and the eye had drinks and then went back to its place. But seriously, folks. My Eye Doctor has a new process of examining your eyes, and it does not involve dilation. It does, however, involve an exchange of money. The pictures of my eyes were so fascinating that I thought I would share one of them with you, my loyal readers. But I caution anyone who would use this to hack into the eye-scan locks on any of my six wall safes. The image has been modified slightly, in a section known only by my optometrist (for safety, of course). It kind of looks like outer space, doesn’t it? Is that my optic nerve, or a distant star? I have hungry cats to feed now, and lots of football to watch. This is the best time of year for me (and many like me). It is Christmas every Sunday!
Here is an excerpt of a conversation I recently heard at the school I am attending:
“Do you know where the swimming pool is?”
“Just follow the group of towel-people over there.”
Did you know that California will soon allow terminally ill patients to end their lives legally? There are many criteria to meet in order for a person to do this, however. If a person lived in New York they wouldn’t need any such law. They could just walk into any bar in Brooklyn or Manhattan and make disparaging remarks about Jerry Vale or Tony Bennett. They would not be long for this world after that, believe me.
Have you heard about the latest fashion accessory sweeping Hollywood? It is surgically-implanted belt loops. People will now be able to wear a belt without the need for pants, thus providing a spot to hold a phone any time, day or night. Californians are such wacky folks.
Lastly, I know a guy who is so clueless, he thinks a Red-Light District has something to do with traffic control!