Category Archives: Short Stories

Stories which are short.

Pop Goes The Weasel

bill-mumy

When I was just a little boy
I seldom was alone
My life was full of fun and joy
While watching the Twilight Zone

There was a certain episode
About a monster and a rummy
A telikenetic six-year old
That was played by young Bill Mumy

Bill Mumy was just six years old
With a very famous face
He once was up for a Golden Globe
From his work in Lost In Space

So Dan Hollis has a birthday
And he drinks up all the brandy
Just then Billy says “Happy Earth Day
Wouldn’t a trip be just dandy?”

Allow me to give you a present
On this, the day you were born
And please say hello to the pheasant
I’m going to wish you into the corn

And Aunt Amy just sits quiet
She really has no choice
Why should she even try it?
Bill Mumy took her voice

In earlier days she sang
Her voice went on and on
But now she just has hunger pangs
And her once strong voice is gone

Their life is hard, without a doubt
They each have no control
If anyone decides to pout
They’re turned into a troll

Well I digress, that isn’t true
I’ll put it back in the box
But if Bill Mumy doesn’t like you
He can turn you into a Jack-In-The-Box

I know this because I saw it
That is exactly what happened to Dan
Perry Como and booze made him crazy
And now he lives his days in a can

And he’s been living there since that day
With his head at the end of a spring
And his best friend is a lump of clay
And some other inanimate thing

But he still pops up from time to time
And stares right at the easel
While Bill Mumy sings that familiar rhyme
Pop Goes The Weasel

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It’s_a_Good_Life_(The_Twilight_Zone)

This Week’s Winner: Big Jim Rennie

Come Back Here, Junior!
              Come Back Here, Junior!

This week’s TV-Hero Award goes to Big Jim Rennie in CBS’s Under The Dome.  Big Jim continues to impress critics and naysayers alike.

In last week’s episode, Big Jim rescued the entire town from the Cave-Pods. After that he “took care” of the evil scientist who was experimenting on The Egg (the source of the dome’s power, of course).  And during that time he took in a hungry, lonely stray dog.  He gave him food and water, and named him Dog.

Congratulations on your award, Big Jim!

You Will Never Believe Who Abducted Me!

What happened to me last week had nothing whatsoever to do with my writings on this site.  I know, I was also completely surprised upon learning this.  I had offended no religious groups.  I did, however, manage to chap the hides of the local Cattleman’s Association.  I overheard them last night (they thought I was passed out) arguing about whether or not they should be called Cattleman’s Association or Cattlemen’s Association.  They must have seen one of my recent letters to the editor in the local paper commenting on the state of our local cattle industry.  I drive by those cows every day, I feel as if I know every one of them.

calf2What can I say?  I love cows!  Or is it “I love cattle?”

What’s Up With That?

Have you noticed how many women are going into labor on TV shows lately?  Every show I see these days has the same scene somewhere in the story line:  A pregnant woman yelling “My Water Just Broke!”  It’s either that or someone saying “It is what it is.” What’s up with that?

Yesterday was a noisy day in my neighborhood.  There were chain saws going on end of the street, wood chippers on the other.  I tried watching a Netflix show with my headphones on, and the show I was watching had a jack hammer going for 30 minutes.  What’s up with that?  It is what it is.

bouncy_houseI think I have what may be a million-dollar idea.  A bouncy-house sweat lodge.  Who says we can’t get a little exercise when we go on a spirit walk? What do you think?  It’s a good idea, right? I am just worried that it might not be politically correct.  What do you think? Is it all good?  Is it what it is? What’s up with that? Hmmmm?

Do You Know What Magnetism Is?

  • Do you know what magnetism is?  It is the unexplained universal force that attracts objects to refrigerators.
  • Scientists say that judgment is the first thing people lose when they drink alcohol.  That doesn’t seem right to me.  Every drinker I have ever met has never had any trouble judging me.  And I have known many!
  • balloonsDid you know that over 20 million balloons will be filled with helium for this year’s New Year’s Eve celebrations?  Personally, I think that number is overly inflated.
  • A friend of mine claims to have perfect pitch.  However, his hitting and fielding needs work.
  • Have a great Christmas, everyone!  Don’t drink too much and lose your judgment.  (Or get arrested and see what real judgment is all about!)
judge
     No, You’re Out of Order!

Acorn TV is OK After All!

  • Last month I wrote about a bad experience I had with Acorn TV.  They had the wrong email address listed for me, and I was being charged for something that was becoming impossible to cancel.  I am happy to report that they did finally cancel my account and gave me a full refund.  So I take back what I said about them.  And they do have many good shows for only $4.99/month.  Just make sure you have the correct email address listed!
  • I finally figurchargersed out why the San Diego Chargers lost so bad last week to the Miami Dolphins:  Antonio Gates was unhinged.
  • I was reading that Pizza Hut may start using unmanned drones to deliver pizzas.  I wonder how much you are supposed to tip an unmanned drone?
  • Have you noticed that many Sci-Fi TV shows these days have supercomputers that have human voices?   I wonder why they always have a British accent?

Hanks for the Memories

  • tom hanksI recently watched a bootleg copy of the Tom Hanks film “Captain Phillips.”  In other words, I watched a pirated video about Somali Pirates.
  • Did I ever tell you the story about my friend’s Great-Great Grandfather?  He came to the U.S. in 1920 with nothing but the shirt on his back.  He was promptly arrested for indecent exposure.  Apparently he didn’t know it was illegal to walk around in this country with no pants on.
  • Did you know that everyone has their own unique set of dimples?  It’s true.  Would I lie to you?  However, some exceptions to this rule have been known to occur.  These people are known as “Dimplegangers.”

I Have Nerves of Steel Wool

Image

  • Do you have nerves of steel?  Me too!  Although lately mine have become more like steel wool.  But I have a few days off, I plan on sleeping a lot.  I am way backlogged in that department.  Aren’t we all?
  • The drought continues in California.  The town I live in has strict water restrictions.  You aren’t allowed to use a hose to water your plants.  Instead, you use the hose to fill a bucket, and then you pour the water on the plants.  For our upcoming wedding anniversary I have asked my wife for a 50-gallon drum of drinking water.
  • The response to my post last time about the song “Mr. Custer” was huge.  With that, here is a link to another golden oldie I am sure you will like:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnzHtm1jhL4&feature=kp

Blasphemy for A Jazz Purist

coleWe have been practicing Cole Porter’s “All of You” in my music class.  For those of you who don’t know that song, here is a link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GzNqD_MRvk

I have written two new verses for this song.  Dare I share them with my classmates?  I know I shouldn’t, it might be considered blasphemy by some jazz purists!

Here it is:

ALL OF YOU

Alternate Lyrics

(With a slight bounce – a rubber ball will do)

I like the way you walk, the way you talk
The smell of you, the breath of you
The ears, the eyes, the unsymmetrical thighs
The fingers, the toes, the somewhat pointy nose.

I like the way you eat, the way you speak
The clothes you wear remind me of a circus freak
Your hair, your lips, your hard-to-locate hips
For I like all of you.

What do you think?  It’s good, right?  Am I right???