Category Archives: warnings

Pop Goes The Weasel


When I was just a little boy
I seldom was alone
My life was full of fun and joy
While watching the Twilight Zone

There was a certain episode
About a monster and a rummy
A telikenetic six-year old
That was played by young Bill Mumy

Bill Mumy was just six years old
With a very famous face
He once was up for a Golden Globe
From his work in Lost In Space

So Dan Hollis has a birthday
And he drinks up all the brandy
Just then Billy says “Happy Earth Day
Wouldn’t a trip be just dandy?”

Allow me to give you a present
On this, the day you were born
And please say hello to the pheasant
I’m going to wish you into the corn

And Aunt Amy just sits quiet
She really has no choice
Why should she even try it?
Bill Mumy took her voice

In earlier days she sang
Her voice went on and on
But now she just has hunger pangs
And her once strong voice is gone

Their life is hard, without a doubt
They each have no control
If anyone decides to pout
They’re turned into a troll

Well I digress, that isn’t true
I’ll put it back in the box
But if Bill Mumy doesn’t like you
He can turn you into a Jack-In-The-Box

I know this because I saw it
That is exactly what happened to Dan
Perry Como and booze made him crazy
And now he lives his days in a can

And he’s been living there since that day
With his head at the end of a spring
And his best friend is a lump of clay
And some other inanimate thing

But he still pops up from time to time
And stares right at the easel
While Bill Mumy sings that familiar rhyme
Pop Goes The Weasel’s_a_Good_Life_(The_Twilight_Zone)

What Exactly is A Red-Light District, Anyway?

poolHere is an excerpt of a conversation I recently heard at the school I am attending:

“Do you know where the swimming pool is?”
“Just follow the group of towel-people over there.”

Did you know that California will soon allow terminally ill patients to end their lives legally?  There are many criteria to meet in order for a person to do this, however.  If a person lived in New York they wouldn’t need any such law.  They could just walk into any bar in Brooklyn or Manhattan and make disparaging remarks about Jerry Vale or Tony Bennett.  They would not be long for this world after that, believe me.

Have you heard about the latest fashion accessory sweeping Hollywood?  It is surgically-implanted belt loops.  People will now be able to wear a belt without the need for pants, thus providing a spot to hold a phone any time, day or night.  Californians are such wacky folks.

lightLastly, I know a guy who is so clueless, he thinks a Red-Light District has something to do with traffic control!

Two Moments That Changed The Course Of History

Two Moments That Changed the Course of History:


October 15, 1919:  Jimmy Hoffa organizes a strike with his kindergarten classmates.  Lower milk prices and longer snack breaks are but two of their demands. The School capitulates after eight long days.  The rest is history.

lyndon_finalSeptember 23, 1926:  Future U.S. President Lyndon Johnson wins his Senior Class President election by giving the school election officials what he called “carrot and stick offers.”  Rumors circulated later on that before the election he employed under-handed tactics, including the use of bribery and veiled threats.  Even then, his overuse of the phrase “Now can I count on you to back me up?” was evident.

I am Alive and Well

I will have to make this quick.  I was right, I did offend certain religious groups with my idea for a Bouncy House Sweat Lodge.  On the night of June 17th I went to sleep in my bed and woke up four hours later with my hands and feet tied, laying face down in the trunk of a very smelly car as it sped along the highway towards the docks.

I am being held in a very cold and dark room in what I am pretty sure is a warehouse located near Pier 43.  My feet are tied to a chair, but this evening I was finally able to get my hands free.  Lucky for me I was able to reach a laptop, and it has an internet connection that is faster than the one at my house.

I will keep you posted on my progress on getting out of this situation.  If you see my wife tell her I love her.

That is all.

Do Not Read This!


I thought I told you not to read this.

Did you know that Bob Dylan and David Bowie are releasing a new album?  It is called “The Times They Are a Cha-Cha-Changing.” They are also considering the title “Mr. Tambourine Man From Mars.”

Last week I saw the film “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.”  It was very well done.  It was closed-captioned for those who don’t speak primate.

I have a friend who works at the Bureau.  When I asked him where his office was, he said it was right between the socks and the T-Shirts.

I have another friend who is taking acting lessons.  He hopes to one day be Acting Mayor.

Do you know the most common hand lotion used by hospitals?  Intensive Care.

If you receive correspondence from a company whose title contains the word “Solutions” you most likely have a problem.