Here is an excerpt of a conversation I recently heard at the school I am attending:
“Do you know where the swimming pool is?”
“Just follow the group of towel-people over there.”
Did you know that California will soon allow terminally ill patients to end their lives legally? There are many criteria to meet in order for a person to do this, however. If a person lived in New York they wouldn’t need any such law. They could just walk into any bar in Brooklyn or Manhattan and make disparaging remarks about Jerry Vale or Tony Bennett. They would not be long for this world after that, believe me.
Have you heard about the latest fashion accessory sweeping Hollywood? It is surgically-implanted belt loops. People will now be able to wear a belt without the need for pants, thus providing a spot to hold a phone any time, day or night. Californians are such wacky folks.
Lastly, I know a guy who is so clueless, he thinks a Red-Light District has something to do with traffic control!
October 15, 1919: Jimmy Hoffa organizes a strike with his kindergarten classmates. Lower milk prices and longer snack breaks are but two of their demands. The School capitulates after eight long days. The rest is history.
September 23, 1926: Future U.S. President Lyndon Johnson wins his Senior Class President election by giving the school election officials what he called “carrot and stick offers.” Rumors circulated later on that before the election he employed under-handed tactics, including the use of bribery and veiled threats. Even then, his overuse of the phrase “Now can I count on you to back me up?” was evident.
I will have to make this quick. I was right, I did offend certain religious groups with my idea for a Bouncy House Sweat Lodge. On the night of June 17th I went to sleep in my bed and woke up four hours later with my hands and feet tied, laying face down in the trunk of a very smelly car as it sped along the highway towards the docks.
I am being held in a very cold and dark room in what I am pretty sure is a warehouse located near Pier 43. My feet are tied to a chair, but this evening I was finally able to get my hands free. Lucky for me I was able to reach a laptop, and it has an internet connection that is faster than the one at my house.
I will keep you posted on my progress on getting out of this situation. If you see my wife tell her I love her.