Posted in Amazing, Humor, poetry, songs

Where is That Episode of Chicago PD?

Like I said up there.  Where is the episode of Chicago PD that I was counting on?  It is Thursday, right?  That means that all of Wednesday night’s TV shows should be online.  But there is no Chicago PD, nor is there a Criminal Minds OR Empire.  Like, what gives?

Has the very fabric of society been torn in half?  It just doesn’t feel right.  What am I supposed to do now, read a book?  It took me 5 months to read the last one!  And it never left my bathroom.

I guess I will try to do something creative on my own.  I know, I will compose some rap for y’all.

microphoneRhyming and Miming
by J-Ice, Ph.D.R (Doctor of Rhyme)

I rhyme all the time
I rhyme in my bed
I got nothing but rhymes
And it hurts my head

When the clock strikes two
I begin my rhyming
And that’s all I do
Until it’s time for miming

When the clock strikes seven
I begin my mime
And I go till eleven
Then it’s back to rhyme

And I stare at the walls
And I walk on the floors
As I roam the halls
And I lock the doors

And I start to rhyming
And the words do flow
I have magnificent timing
From my head to toe

So now you try it
You too can be bold
Maybe the public will buy it
If you’re not too old

Thank you ladies and gentlemen and good night!

Posted in Amazing, Downright Hysterical, Humor, Real Life Crime Stories, songs

Today I Realized I am a Rap Master

I just finished watching the first episode of the new Netflix Series “The Get Down” at  It is a story about the beginnings of hip-hop in New York in 1977.

It wasn’t quite as good as Empire on Fox TV.  Hakim is one of the characters on the show, played by an amazing rapper named Yazz, or Yazz The Greatest.  My extensive rap experience tells me that he is going to be huge.  He already has over a million Twitter followers, so I guess he already is huge.

It got me to thinking.  How would I react if given the microphone at one of these so called “Hip Hop” events?  Would I have the right stuff?  Would I be able to berate my rap-opponent at a level sufficient to keep the crowd from beating me to a pulp?

I can almost picture it.  The crowd parts as I make my way to the Rapping Area.  I take the mike, and begin my rap, all the while staring at my opponent with steely nerve.

The clothes you wear
Are from a Sci-Fi Show
And you grow body hair
Where it shouldn’t grow

I’ve seen better faces
on boxes of soap
Your teeth need constant flossing
And you have to use rope

You are bumpy where you shouldn’t be
And wrinkly where you should
You show people what they shouldn’t see
And that ain’t never good

You have the heartbreak of psoriasis
From your toe to your head
On Tuesdays you have dialysis
And then go back to bed

When your mama looks at you
She feels like fainting
Your high school photo
Was a Picasso Painting

Posted in Amazing, Downright Hysterical, Humor, poetry, Quality Reading, Satirical Drawing

Ice Ice Baby

Hello Everyone. I wanted to share a recent plumbing experience I had with you.  No, I didn’t have a plumbing experience with you (we both would have remembered that, wouldn’t we?) Let me re-phrase that.  I want to share, with you, a plumbing experience I recently had.

My shower drain was plugged up, so I did what everyone does.  I poured boiling water down the drain.  That usually does the trick.  But 24 hours later it still wouldn’t drain, even after the whole coat hanger down the drain trick!  In a burst of inspiration, I decided to open and close the drain.  When I did that, I loosened whatever had been almost obliterated by the above-mentioned scalding H2O.  I am pleased to report that I am no longer ankle-deep in water after my mandatory daily shower.

With that, I am releasing my latest rap one week ahead of it’s ITunes Debut, Number 2 last week on the Billboard Top 100.

Hello Players
My Name’s Ice-John
I like to sleep
And I sometimes yawn

My shirt’s too tight
and my pants too long
And it’s been 37 years
Since I’ve Played Ping Pong

Sometimes I’ll Laugh
Sometimes I’ll Cry
Sometimes I’ll eat
Half a Pizza Pie

I don’t eat meat
Cause I love all life
I have big feet
You can ask my wife

I’m younger than the Pope
But older than Matt Damon
I was born the same year
As Everyone Loves Raymond

So now I’ll split
And I’ll end this rap
It’s a sure-fire hit
But it’s time to nap

Posted in Humor, Quality Reading, warnings

Our Numbers Are Way Up!

I can’t believe it!  The number of unique visitors to this site have almost tripled in the past 12 months.  At this rate we might just be giving Facebook a run for its money.

I copied the following meta data from the meta data page.

Number of Unique Visits to the Internet Website per month:


I wonder who I talk to about advertising royalties?

I was also going to tell you all how close I became with my fellow classmates when I took a mandatory 16-week driving class, but I will save that story for another time.

I just wanted to give everyone the fantastic news about our explosive growth rate.


Posted in Humor

Porky Pig Was Very Wise

  • The Good Book tells us to love our neighbor.  Whoever wrote that obviously didn’t live in my neighborhood.  Do you have the same problem?  If we were Azande (South America) or Nuer (North and South Sudan) we could settle our differences with a good clubbing.  I imagine those cultures have very few instances of high blood pressure.  (I don’t plan on clubbing anyone, just to be clear….)
  • It is just about time for me to get a haircut.  I don’t like barbershops, however.  I don’t approve of barbarism.  But you already knew that, since you know my stance on clubbing.
  • Our local police force is so broke that whenever a crime is committed they have to call an Uber to investigate.
  • Finally, in the words of Porky Pig……..