Happy New Year to Everyone. I hope it is the best year ever. Yada Yada Yada.
On January First of this year
My bathtub was a mess I fear
It had a different kind of reak
That lingered there for that whole week
I made a mental note to clean it
And at the time I sure did mean it
But for a reason that’s unseen
My dirty bathtub stayed unclean
It stayed like that until the Spring
That time of year when birds all sing
Its dirty state went on and on
While I just shopped on Amazon
I’d had enough of it by June
But got distracted by the Moon
And then I watched Star Trek with Sulu
They have all episodes now on Hulu
Each day when I would take my shower
I smelled the mold’s increasing power
And afterwards, when I was dry
I stared at it and wondered why
The tiles both within and out
Had moldy streaks along their grout
The tub itself had lost its shine
I could not believe it was mine
So why did I have a tub that reaks?
And had being doing so for eighty weeks?
The whole thing started making me crazy
Until I realized I was being lazy
And finally, in late December
On a day which I will always remember
I took a scraper to its walls
Because sometimes in life, duty calls
I spent the day cleaning that tub
I listened to Aqualung as I did scrub
I streamed it online, as I remember
Because I’m an Amazon Prime Member
When I was finished I felt a power
And the next day I used a different shower
So why is that? I’ll tell you why
It’s because the caulking wasn’t dry
But now it is and I’m all set
And after I shower, when the tub is wet
I dry it off, from head to hiney
So it will always be clean and shiny
Do you know what the Juggler Vein is? It is located between the dudonym and the Gall Bladder, and somewhere below the brain. In many medical schools in Great Britain, Medical Students have passed down over the years, rhymes that help them pass their exams. This one is called “The Mighty Juggler Vein.”
The Mighty Juggler Vein
Right next to the Spleen
And way below the brain
It does its job unseen
The Mighty Juggler Vein
So named because it juggles
And distributes the body’s fluids
For Wizards and for Muggles
And even those crazy Druids
The Juggler Vein was discovered in 1853 by James P. Juggler, who interestingly enough did not juggle. He was, however, a Muggle. He was also known to jiggle on occasion.
Without the Juggler Vein, the human body would not be able to break down its hemogoblin into carbon and oxygen. Also, the level of anti-gamogobulins in the blood would increase to unhealthy levels.
Without the Juggler Vein’s amazing fluid-juggling abilities, we would all be in real trouble.
Let’s hear it for The Mighty Juggler Vein!
Like I said up there. Where is the episode of Chicago PD that I was counting on? It is Thursday, right? That means that all of Wednesday night’s TV shows should be online. But there is no Chicago PD, nor is there a Criminal Minds OR Empire. Like, what gives?
Has the very fabric of society been torn in half? It just doesn’t feel right. What am I supposed to do now, read a book? It took me 5 months to read the last one! And it never left my bathroom.
I guess I will try to do something creative on my own. I know, I will compose some rap for y’all.
Rhyming and Miming
by J-Ice, Ph.D.R (Doctor of Rhyme)
I rhyme all the time
I rhyme in my bed
I got nothing but rhymes
And it hurts my head
When the clock strikes two
I begin my rhyming
And that’s all I do
Until it’s time for miming
When the clock strikes seven
I begin my mime
And I go till eleven
Then it’s back to rhyme
And I stare at the walls
And I walk on the floors
As I roam the halls
And I lock the doors
And I start to rhyming
And the words do flow
I have magnificent timing
From my head to toe
So now you try it
You too can be bold
Maybe the public will buy it
If you’re not too old
Thank you ladies and gentlemen and good night!
I just finished watching the first episode of the new Netflix Series “The Get Down” at https://www.netflix.com/title/80025601. It is a story about the beginnings of hip-hop in New York in 1977.
It wasn’t quite as good as Empire on Fox TV. Hakim is one of the characters on the show, played by an amazing rapper named Yazz, or Yazz The Greatest. My extensive rap experience tells me that he is going to be huge. He already has over a million Twitter followers, so I guess he already is huge.
It got me to thinking. How would I react if given the microphone at one of these so called “Hip Hop” events? Would I have the right stuff? Would I be able to berate my rap-opponent at a level sufficient to keep the crowd from beating me to a pulp?
I can almost picture it. The crowd parts as I make my way to the Rapping Area. I take the mike, and begin my rap, all the while staring at my opponent with steely nerve.
The clothes you wear
Are from a Sci-Fi Show
And you grow body hair
Where it shouldn’t grow
I’ve seen better faces
on boxes of soap
Your teeth need constant flossing
And you have to use rope
You are bumpy where you shouldn’t be
And wrinkly where you should
You show people what they shouldn’t see
And that ain’t never good
You have the heartbreak of psoriasis
From your toe to your head
On Tuesdays you have dialysis
And then go back to bed
When your mama looks at you
She feels like fainting
Your high school photo
Was a Picasso Painting
Hello Everyone. I wanted to share a recent plumbing experience I had with you. No, I didn’t have a plumbing experience with you (we both would have remembered that, wouldn’t we?) Let me re-phrase that. I want to share, with you, a plumbing experience I recently had.
My shower drain was plugged up, so I did what everyone does. I poured boiling water down the drain. That usually does the trick. But 24 hours later it still wouldn’t drain, even after the whole coat hanger down the drain trick! In a burst of inspiration, I decided to open and close the drain. When I did that, I loosened whatever had been almost obliterated by the above-mentioned scalding H2O. I am pleased to report that I am no longer ankle-deep in water after my mandatory daily shower.
With that, I am releasing my latest rap one week ahead of it’s ITunes Debut, Number 2 last week on the Billboard Top 100.
My Name’s Ice-John
I like to sleep
And I sometimes yawn
My shirt’s too tight
and my pants too long
And it’s been 37 years
Since I’ve Played Ping Pong
Sometimes I’ll Laugh
Sometimes I’ll Cry
Sometimes I’ll eat
Half a Pizza Pie
I don’t eat meat
Cause I love all life
I have big feet
You can ask my wife
I’m younger than the Pope
But older than Matt Damon
I was born the same year
As Everyone Loves Raymond
So now I’ll split
And I’ll end this rap
It’s a sure-fire hit
But it’s time to nap