It wasn’t quite as good as Empire on Fox TV. Hakim is one of the characters on the show, played by an amazing rapper named Yazz, or Yazz The Greatest. My extensive rap experience tells me that he is going to be huge. He already has over a million Twitter followers, so I guess he already is huge.
It got me to thinking. How would I react if given the microphone at one of these so called “Hip Hop” events? Would I have the right stuff? Would I be able to berate my rap-opponent at a level sufficient to keep the crowd from beating me to a pulp?
I can almost picture it. The crowd parts as I make my way to the Rapping Area. I take the mike, and begin my rap, all the while staring at my opponent with steely nerve.
The clothes you wear
Are from a Sci-Fi Show
And you grow body hair
Where it shouldn’t grow
I’ve seen better faces
on boxes of soap
Your teeth need constant flossing
And you have to use rope
You are bumpy where you shouldn’t be
And wrinkly where you should
You show people what they shouldn’t see
And that ain’t never good
You have the heartbreak of psoriasis
From your toe to your head
On Tuesdays you have dialysis
And then go back to bed
When your mama looks at you
She feels like fainting
Your high school photo
Was a Picasso Painting
This week’s TV-Hero Award goes to Big Jim Rennie in CBS’s Under The Dome. Big Jim continues to impress critics and naysayers alike.
In last week’s episode, Big Jim rescued the entire town from the Cave-Pods. After that he “took care” of the evil scientist who was experimenting on The Egg (the source of the dome’s power, of course). And during that time he took in a hungry, lonely stray dog. He gave him food and water, and named him Dog.
October 15, 1919: Jimmy Hoffa organizes a strike with his kindergarten classmates. Lower milk prices and longer snack breaks are but two of their demands. The School capitulates after eight long days. The rest is history.
September 23, 1926: Future U.S. President Lyndon Johnson wins his Senior Class President election by giving the school election officials what he called “carrot and stick offers.” Rumors circulated later on that before the election he employed under-handed tactics, including the use of bribery and veiled threats. Even then, his overuse of the phrase “Now can I count on you to back me up?” was evident.
What happened to me last week had nothing whatsoever to do with my writings on this site. I know, I was also completely surprised upon learning this. I had offended no religious groups. I did, however, manage to chap the hides of the local Cattleman’s Association. I overheard them last night (they thought I was passed out) arguing about whether or not they should be called Cattleman’s Association or Cattlemen’s Association. They must have seen one of my recent letters to the editor in the local paper commenting on the state of our local cattle industry. I drive by those cows every day, I feel as if I know every one of them.
What can I say? I love cows! Or is it “I love cattle?”
I will have to make this quick. I was right, I did offend certain religious groups with my idea for a Bouncy House Sweat Lodge. On the night of June 17th I went to sleep in my bed and woke up four hours later with my hands and feet tied, laying face down in the trunk of a very smelly car as it sped along the highway towards the docks.
I am being held in a very cold and dark room in what I am pretty sure is a warehouse located near Pier 43. My feet are tied to a chair, but this evening I was finally able to get my hands free. Lucky for me I was able to reach a laptop, and it has an internet connection that is faster than the one at my house.
I will keep you posted on my progress on getting out of this situation. If you see my wife tell her I love her.