Here is a little ditty
That I think is almost heavenly
I think it’s very witty
And it premiered in 1870
It was written Peter Ilyad T.
Whose birthday is May 7th
It is 600 bars long, you see
And here are the first eleven
Category Archives: Humor
The Shark Song
The Shark Song
When you’re a Shark
The world is there for you
You don’t fear the dark
Because the dark fears you
When you’re a Shark
You dislike the Mets
Your bite’s worse than your bark
And you despise the Jets
When you’re a Shark
You look at the world wisely
You’re pants are real dark
And you always dress nicely
When you’re a Shark
You really know how to dance
You avoid Central Park
And you have very tight pants
(snapping fingers, whistling in the background……)
The Sharks are not Bony
The Sharks are not Stiff
The Sharks don’t like Tony
And they really hate Riff
The Sharks they are winning
The Sharks they are grooving
The Sharks they are swimming
Because they have to keep moving
Here Come The Sharks
Like a Fish Out of Water
Someone gets in our way
We get fresh with their daughter
Here Come The Sharks
And we’re covered in soot
Better do what we say
Or we will bite your foot
Here Come The Sharks
And we are all anointed
We are covered in scales
And our teeth are all pointed
And Remember, Swim Tall!!
Thoughts on a Blue Day
Like they say, the world’s a stage
And we realize that more as we age
Nothing lasts forever, that is true
I guess that applies to me and you
My birthday is coming up in June
Just three days after the full moon
My age will once again end in zero
Just like Ray Romano, my hero
We’re all getting older, day by day
And it will always be that way
We start out helpless, with just a few wrinkles
And when we get older it gets hard to tinkle
I won’t tell you just how old I’ll be
It’s a closely guarded secret, you see
But just like my older brother used to say to me
You’ll never be as old as me
That is of course unless I’m wrong
If that’s the case I’ll change my song
And change those words that aren’t true
And say I’ll never be as old as you
But what is age anyway?
It’s just a number, that’s what they say
For all you uncles and aunts and nieces
The number of birthday candles always increases
I know just actually what you’re thinking
I can almost see you winking
You’re wondering just how old I am
And why I’m such a rhyming ham
When I was born we had televisions
And movies that often involved x-ray vision
People often talked about wrong and right
And some of the TV’s were black and white
When I was born there was no MTV
And there were only 3 stations on TV
Rockets had not yet gone to the moon
When I was born that day in June
Now I will give you one last hint
I was born sometime after the Denver Mint
But before Ronald Reagan had Executive Power
And not before Eisenhower
Just Another Saturday
I walked downstairs to get some food
I was in a particularly sour mood
My wife said “We have a situation”
And those words are never heard with elation
It happened in the morning, last Saturday
The same thing happened to us back in May
Me and the wife were sitting around the house
When one of our kitties brought in a mouse
“The cat has caught a little mouse
And brought it right into the house
She is sitting under this very chair
So pick her up and move her there”
So what did I do then, you ask?
Did I perform the suggested task?
Of course I didn’t because I panicked
And not only that, I became manic
I grabbed the chair without thinking first
Perhaps it was because of my insatiable thirst
And when I did that the mouse took off
And I could have sworn I heard a cough
He ran right under the refrigerator
Which has on its door a Florida Gator
I looked at the clock, and it said ten
And I wondered how this happened again
So I grabbed the refrigerator along its seals
After researching how to unlock refrigerator wheels
And then I moved it back towards me
And I tried to set the little guy free
I rotated the refrigerator and realigned it
After realizing that he was right behind it
I grabbed a broom and gently pushed him
I had to be careful not to smoosh him
And he ran towards my wife, who held a box
Whose lid had a picture of a clock
She pushed him in, and closed the lid
But that isn’t everything we did
We walked him over to the field
And along the way I’m sure he squeeled
We let him out and he ran away
It was just another Saturday
24 Legacy Poetry
The Senator’s Father is quite zany
His part is played by Gerald McRaney
And Eric Carter is an Army Ranger
Whose entire life is fraught with danger
So Gerald gave secrets to some bad guys
And by doing so turned them into mad guys
Who were awaiting instructions from Jadall bin-Khalid
Who had plans for a dastardly deed
But there was a problem with the electronic list
That held the names of the terrorists
Who each wished to become a martyr
If their plans weren’t foiled by Eric Carter
So they kidnapped Carter’s wife and locked her away
And sent him a text the very next day
That said your wife is with our men
And you will never see her again
Unless you do exactly what we say
She will be with us, how long I can’t say
If you would like her to remain alive
Your technician will repair our evil thumb drive
So Eric payed a visit to his brother
Who until recently lived with his mother
And asked that he help him break her out
It was a tough situation without a doubt
His brother Isaac, who rarely sang
And was the leader of a criminal gang
Began to argue, then to pout
But finally decided to help break her out
And right before they did the deed
And nobody was sure if they would succeed
Would they be strong or would they be weak?
We’ll just have to wait until next week
Nightmare at 20,000 Feet
William Shatner is flying on 
a jet
And he is out of work
It’s stormy out and it’s quite wet
But he’s not Captain Kirk
He’s travelling with his trophy wife
Who tells him not to smoke
She’s known him almost all his life
And thinks he’s a splendid bloke
But soon after the plane departs
And there’s nowhere for him to hide
The chaos and the mayhem starts
When William looks outside
He says “There’s a Gremlin on the wing
And he’s pulling on the wires!”
The attendant says “It’s probably nothing.
Maybe you’re just too tired.”
“You’re right” he says while smiling
“I probably need some sleep
My behavior has become beguiling
Frow now on not a peep”
His wife then gives him a sleeping pill
And tells him to close his eyes
Pretty soon we will be in Jacksonville
As fast as this plane flies
She calms him with a gentle touch
As the passengers get nervous
One man who has had too much
Says loudly “I Need Service!”
Then William starts to twitch and panic
And needs to be restrained
His behaviour becomes almost manic
Some might even say insane
He grabs a gun from a sleeping cop
Who onced lived near the Kremlin
And then we hear a very loud pop
As he shoots wildly at the Gremlin
And when the plane limps back to ground
And to the hospital William is headed
Not one passenger makes a sound
Because the plane is completely shredded
Pop Goes The Weasel
When I was just a little boy
I seldom was alone
My life was full of fun and joy
While watching the Twilight Zone
There was a certain episode
About a monster and a rummy
A telikenetic six-year old
That was played by young Bill Mumy
Bill Mumy was just six years old
With a very famous face
He once was up for a Golden Globe
From his work in Lost In Space
So Dan Hollis has a birthday
And he drinks up all the brandy
Just then Billy says “Happy Earth Day
Wouldn’t a trip be just dandy?”
Allow me to give you a present
On this, the day you were born
And please say hello to the pheasant
I’m going to wish you into the corn
And Aunt Amy just sits quiet
She really has no choice
Why should she even try it?
Bill Mumy took her voice
In earlier days she sang
Her voice went on and on
But now she just has hunger pangs
And her once strong voice is gone
Their life is hard, without a doubt
They each have no control
If anyone decides to pout
They’re turned into a troll
Well I digress, that isn’t true
I’ll put it back in the box
But if Bill Mumy doesn’t like you
He can turn you into a Jack-In-The-Box
I know this because I saw it
That is exactly what happened to Dan
Perry Como and booze made him crazy
And now he lives his days in a can
And he’s been living there since that day
With his head at the end of a spring
And his best friend is a lump of clay
And some other inanimate thing
But he still pops up from time to time
And stares right at the easel
While Bill Mumy sings that familiar rhyme
Pop Goes The Weasel
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It’s_a_Good_Life_(The_Twilight_Zone)
Classical Composers Whom I Have Admired
Classical Composers Whom I Have Admired
Ludwig’s music is incredible
And Wolfgang’s never missed
Franz’s music is almost edible
Both of them, Schubert and Lizst
Peter Ilyad’s music is capricious
And hardly ever arbitrary
Johan Sebastian still can reach us
Just ask my cousin Larry
To tell the truth, I have three cousins
But not one is named Larry
They spend the summer in the Hamptons
And get to work by ferry
Somehow I’ve gotten a bit off track
I do that from time to time
But eventually I find my way back
And continue with my rhyme
Now I remember of what I spoke
I was talking about classical composers
I love them all, and that’s no joke
As long as they’re not a poser
Sometimes Ludwig is just too much
And Brahms gets hard to Handl
Felix Mendelssohn has just the touch
He’s great at night by candle
Hector Berlioz was very peppy
And so was Antonio Vivaldi
Verdi’s first name was Giuseppe
And Rachmaninoff was a baldy
But now I’m afraid I have to leave
It’s almost time for class
But I’ll be back, you best believe
And give this another pass
The Bathtub
Happy New Year to Everyone. I hope it is the best year ever. Yada Yada Yada.
The Bathtub
On January First of this year
My bathtub was a mess I fear
It had a different kind of reak
That lingered there for that whole week
I made a mental note to clean it
And at the time I sure did mean it
But for a reason that’s unseen
My dirty bathtub stayed unclean
It stayed like that until the Spring
That time of year when birds all sing
Its dirty state went on and on
While I just shopped on Amazon
I’d had enough of it by June
But got distracted by the Moon
And then I watched Star Trek with Sulu
They have all episodes now on Hulu
Each day when I would take my shower
I smelled the mold’s increasing power
And afterwards, when I was dry
I stared at it and wondered why
The tiles both within and out
Had moldy streaks along their grout
The tub itself had lost its shine
I could not believe it was mine
So why did I have a tub that reaks?
And had being doing so for eighty weeks?
The whole thing started making me crazy
Until I realized I was being lazy
And finally, in late December
On a day which I will always remember
I took a scraper to its walls
Because sometimes in life, duty calls
I spent the day cleaning that tub
I listened to Aqualung as I did scrub
I streamed it online, as I remember
Because I’m an Amazon Prime Member
When I was finished I felt a power
And the next day I used a different shower
So why is that? I’ll tell you why
It’s because the caulking wasn’t dry
But now it is and I’m all set
And after I shower, when the tub is wet
I dry it off, from head to hiney
So it will always be clean and shiny
I Am Speechless!
- I have been so stunned by the recent shift in the political landscape that I completely forgot to post anything here. I know my readers have been wondering what is going on. How can I put it? I am speechless. I am without speech!
- I was reading that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was asked what he would do if he was kicked out of the new administration’s transition team. He said he would close that bridge when he came to it.
- I have an upcoming test on bird identification. I haven’t had time to study so I think I will just have to wing it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Please join me in celebrating life by not eating our feathered friends.
